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                      發給群主的搞笑短信

                      內容編輯:好句子網 內容欄目: 問候的話
                      發給群主的搞笑短信

                      1、其實高考完就該生個寶寶!暑假坐月子,大學帶孩子!不想上課的時候讓舍友帶著孩子去幫自己簽到,大學有充足的時間陪寶寶健康成長!寶寶生下來就受到大學高等教育的熏陶!畢業了孩子都四歲了,懂事兒又不鬧騰,該奮斗就奮斗去吧~反正自家香火有后了。

                      2、發短信不容易:夸你吧,怕你以為我拍馬屁;抱怨你吧,怕你嫌棄我個性太怪異;祝福你吧,怕你以為我有事拜托你;搭訕你吧,怕你以為我無聊加空虛。不過我還是發了,誰讓我想你呢!愛咋咋地!

                      3、人生得意須盡歡,過了山海關都是趙本山。問君能有幾多愁,樹上騎個猴,地下一個猴。眾里尋他千百度,沒病你就走兩步。天蒼蒼,野茫茫,我十分想見趙忠祥。紅酥手,黃藤酒,大爺,這個真沒有。書中自有黃金屋,不是大款就火夫。安能摧眉折腰事權貴,反正十塊錢兒的,都是你消費。

                      4、為答謝那些:看我短信樂得合不上嘴的,受到鼓勵覺得生活很美的,被我整蠱嚇到成了膽小鬼的,收到我的傳情對我癡心不悔的,看到祝福高興得找不到北的所有朋友們,特派送此條最誠摯的感謝“信”,“息”望你們天天開心,事事順心,永葆一顆年輕心!

                      5、某記者去采訪長壽村老人,探詢養生秘訣。一位老人樂呵呵地回答:秘訣就是抽煙。記者疑惑,老人解釋:新鮮肉哪有煙熏肉保存得久!

                      6、小蝦米和烏龜約會,烏龜看到小蝦米滿臉通紅,哈哈笑道:小蝦米,你害羞了啊,臉都紅了!小蝦米一聽怒道:尼瑪,這是害羞臉紅嗎,這是高溫熱的!高溫天氣,笑話送清涼,祝你清爽度夏!

                      7、忙嗎?沒事,只是想用不打擾你的方式告訴你,我在想你!希望你收到短信時,你的嘴角是微笑的,鼻子拱拱,哼哼兩聲,讓別的豬知道你是最幸福的!

                      8、你吃,或者不吃零食,大臉就在那里,不悲不喜;你喝,或者不喝可樂,腰圍就在那里,不來不去;你跑,或者不跑步,體重就在那里,不增不減;你減,或者不減肥,肉就在你身上,不舍不棄;來脂肪的懷里,或者,讓胖子住進別人的心里,默然,想吃,忍住,糾結,淚崩!

                      9、當我老了的時候,有一個心愿,就是每天陪在你身邊,你去哪里我就去哪里,早晨出去,晚上回家,我悠閑的同時你也解決了溫飽,決定了老了去放羊。

                      10、女兒問:為什么嫦娥要奔月?我想了好久說:因為嫦娥肚子餓了,看著大月餅空中掛著,口水直流,飄飄欲仙就上去了……

                      11、沒有你的天,不藍;沒有你的日子,心煩;沒有你的生活,真難;能夠真正擁有你,真甜;我最親愛的,心肝。別美了,不是你,是工資。

                      12、白雪公主逃出王宮,來到森林,看到一間小木屋,里面排列著七張小小的床。白雪公主就躺下睡著了。傍晚七個小人回來了,白雪公主說:“你們就是我命中的七個小矮人吧。”七個人面面相覷,然后說:“你走錯地方了,我們是葫蘆娃。”

                      13、【中國互聯網公司吉祥物】1QQ—企鵝;2搜狐—狐貍;3百度—熊;4迅雷—蜂鳥;5淘寶—螞蟻;6新浪—眼睛;7淘寶商城—貓,我是貓,喵喵喵…

                      14、你的出現,讓我們不會再出現三缺一的尷尬狀況,你的誕生,讓我們不再羨別人成雙成對,我們有了你就有了一個永不變的人生目標:斗地主!

                      15、孩子:媽媽,我死了你會傷心嗎?媽媽:你怎么這樣說?孩子:老師說我笨的無可救藥了,我是不是快死了呀!

                      16、向怎么吃也不胖的你,表示瞧不起,反正在這春天里,你吃的毫無道理,我們對你很鄙視,所以請你放聲哭泣。好想跟你說聲對不起,來人世就這一次,你卻怎么都胖不起,最后可憐的痩死。請你不要太生氣,因為我們胖子太美麗,但你不要太自閉,我們胖子會可憐你,嘲笑你,收留你,批評你……一輩子。

                      17、悟空在花果山開發旅游,悟凈也在流沙河養了王八;師傅我寫寫取經的歷程也出書了!大家很牽掛你,托為師帶個問候,還好吧八戒

                      18、【你該知道的】百度的叫度娘,網易的叫易娘,新浪內部還在為是叫新娘還是浪娘而爭論不休!不管你們是企鵝的額娘,豆瓣的伴娘,還是華為的偽娘,都要記得一點,淘寶才是你們的親娘啊!親!

                      19、【接下來好多節日,求約會!】01月01號沒人陪,02月09號沒人陪,02月10號沒人陪,02月14號沒人陪。單身的請轉發!求約會的請勾搭!!!

                      20、神啊!請替我送一個西瓜給那些忘了我,不給我打電話,不給我發短信,不惦記我的家伙們,祝他們吃得飽飽,然后走路踩到西瓜皮

                      21、我的人生四大理想:1、給長城貼上瓷磚;2、給赤道鑲上金邊;3、給太平洋安上欄桿;4、給珠穆朗瑪峰裝上電梯。

                      22、燦燦的,是陽光;紅彤彤的,是燈籠;熱騰騰的,是火鍋;火辣辣的,是烈酒;麻酥酥的,是你……又觸電了吧,叫你別看短信的!

                      23、是時候開始苦練末日技能了,比如跑得過地裂,越得過高墻;打得過喪尸,活得過蟑螂;單性可受孕,無土會種糧;自己懂發電,徒手能建房……

                      24、發廢話會花話費,回發廢話話費揮發,發廢話花費話費會后悔,花費話費回發廢話會耗費,發廢話回發廢話全費話費!就不信這1毛錢整不暈你。

                      25、昨天有人說你的智商就像是小豬,我當場就怒了!還跟他吵了一架。別人不知道我還不了解你嗎,你是那樣的善良,肯定不會去辱沒豬的名號的。

                      26、在做語文卷子時,我總是覺得自己是英國人。在做英語卷子時,我又覺得自己變回了中國人。當我在面對數學卷子時,我頓時發現自己是外星人……

                      27、此短信乃經冰凍雪藏霜裹風化雨淋薄荷浸泡七七四十九天煉制而成,齊具防暑降溫祛濕下火清脾潤肺之奇效。使用方法:放空調出風口大聲閱讀三遍即可在炎炎盛夏感受秋冬之清涼;每日睡前朗誦三遍即可心情愉悅發現生活之美好。實乃盛夏奇珍,萬望珍藏。

                      28、小區內的超市提供送貨上門服務,一天,老爸想吃煎餅,就讓老媽打電話給超市。老媽:“超市吧?你家有沒有煎餅?”超市:“有。”老爸忽然插話:“咱家冰箱里還有,不用訂了。”然后就聽老媽對著電話說:“嘿嘿,我家也有。”

                      29、某小姐剛拿駕照,車子突然在路上熄火,怎么也發不動。看著綠燈變紅燈,紅燈變綠燈,一旁的交警忍不住問道:怎么,沒你喜歡的顏色?

                      30、去年情人節,四個光棍一起吃火鍋,我信誓旦旦地說,明年我要脫離他們,結果我做到了,今年情人節只剩我一個光棍了……

                      31、這天兒實在太熱了!買了筐雞蛋,到家變小雞了!買了個涼席,一睡成電熱毯了!汽車不用點火,自己著了!走在路上遇到個陌生人,相視一笑,變熟人了!桌子太燙,麻將剛碼好,嘿,居然糊了!想吃個涼菜,你都得趕緊吃,要不一會兒就成麻辣燙了!這條信息要是不發給你,嗨,一會兒就餿啦!

                      32、一人上網聊Q,室友路過,道:“你Q上人這么少?”“總有一群愛隱身的,如死人一般躺在你的好友列表里,偶爾詐尸,時不時還會改改墓志銘。”

                      33、茶,要喝濃的直到芳香尤在;路,要走難的直到苦盡甘來;人,要感情深的直到下輩子還能愛;豬蹄,要新鮮的!哎!拿手機的這只就不賴。

                      34、近日高溫,記者采訪市民。問一黑人:“你能說說是武漢熱還是非洲熱嗎?”答:“我再強調一遍,我不是非洲的,我是在武漢曬黑的!

                      35、方便面漲價了,雞蛋漲價了,面粉漲價了,汽油漲價了,羽絨服漲價了……除了工資,身邊的一切幾乎都漲價了,但是我們依然需要堅強地活下去,因為墓地現在也漲價了……

                      36、我鄭重向你轉告:困了要睡覺,累了往沙發上靠,快樂了要微笑,煩惱要忘掉,抑郁找我開導,想我了請我吃甜糕,如果不回短信,出門被螞蟻絆倒!

                      37、蜈蚣被蛇咬了,為防毒液擴散必須截肢!蜈蚣想:幸虧我腿多。大夫安慰道:“兄弟,想開點,你以后就是蚯蚓了。”

                      38、邂逅你,或許是上天的安排,一切都那么自然。你從人群中走來,深邃的目光,將我上下打量,直到我面紅耳赤,你才幽幽地說:算命不

                      39、【無聊的最高境界】1.對著鏡子,數自己的頭發;2.跟正吸你血的蚊子聊天;3.看著天花板上的污漬,把它想成山水畫;4.給N年以前的報紙校對錯別字;5.喝一大杯水,然后坐到馬桶上去等著。還有最最無聊的一件事就是給你發這條無聊的短信,哈哈~

                      40、【切糕Style】1.過節官員不收禮,收禮只收大切糕;2.奧巴馬宣布,中國國債將折合切糕歸還;3.人固有一死,或輕于鴻毛,或重于切糕;4.這是一個寶馬車主跟老太太撞翻切糕車后,都紛紛逃逸的年代;5.一刀恒久遠,切糕永流傳;6.人生最最最痛苦的事是,人還在,切糕沒了。

                      41、話說有這么一天,豆腐在大街上閑逛,遇見了醋,豆腐就調侃醋:好大的酸味啊,又去挑撥人家的感情了?醋一生氣就把豆腐給拌了……

                      42、失落時我想你,寂寞時我要你,擁有你是我無盡的幸福,巧遇你令我莫名興奮,你是我畢生的最愛!但我窮困潦倒時你走了!回來吧親愛的人……民幣。

                      43、【品西游,讀人生】兒時的西游記是看神話,長大看西游是學人生,根據妖精傷亡統計數據顯示,西游記中的主要妖怪有44個,死亡21個,被神仙接走的23個,這告訴我們,沒有后臺很容易被一棒子打死,而其中女妖的死亡率則高達85.7%,此數據說明:女人混社會,難啊!

                      44、數學系女友要分手,男友問原因,女:你經濟一窮二白,性格不三不四,成績亂七八糟!男:你太夸張了!女:我說的八九不離十!

                      45、很久沒收到你的信息,俺很難過,俺想到死,曾用薯片割過脈,用豆腐撞過頭,用降落傘跳過樓,用面條上過吊,可都沒死成,你就請俺吃頓飯,撐死俺算了!

                      46、兩只螃蟹被放進鍋里蒸,即將成為人們的晚餐。蒸著蒸著,一只螃蟹憋不住了,頂出鍋蓋痛苦地叫:我熱!另一只螃蟹在一旁安慰道:想紅,就得忍著!

                      47、好消息:各位主演and群眾演員們,由于今年夏季重口味寫實電影《全城熱死》熱播后反響巨大,該電影番外篇《全城煎蛋》、《全城洗桑拿》、《全城鐵板燒》、《全城烤熟》等將陸續開拍,請各位做好參演準備,影帝影后最終將花落誰家,讓我們拭目以待!請相互轉告哦

                      48、“弼馬溫,這些馬就拜托你了”“馬在哪”悟空看著空空云海。“那不是嗎?”“我只看到一堆浮云!”“那就對了,神馬都是浮云。”

                      49、做數學題:十人排隊,甲不能站中間,不能站兩端,得挨著乙,和丙隔兩個人,還得站丁后面。經過激烈討論,大家一致認為,讓甲滾~

                      50、他們總是在說只要等待,合適的人就會出現。我想說的是,都等這么多年了,你TM好歹給我回個話啊,是堵車還是迷路了?!!不行也吃個飯吶!

                      51、妞兒們謹記:一定要把自己打扮好。一旦肥死了,就別的女人花咱的錢,住咱的房,睡咱的老公,泡咱的男朋友,還打咱的娃。。。

                      52、一主持人在一老大爺家里喝很貴的茶,女問:這茶有啥好處?老大爺:對男女都有好處。又問:神馬好處?老大爺淡定道:解渴!

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